The Lessons of Our Labors Part I

I wrote a series of articles this summer about what mothers had learned from becoming a mother. I am republishing them here on my blog so that they can be shared with you. I would love to hear your comments. Blessings~ Amy

We dreamed of a natural birth. My husband and I took natural childbirth classes. I read shelves full of wonderful books about natural childbirth. Ina May Gaskin was my hero. We hired a doula, we took Hypnobirthing classes, we thought we were prepared. My son was born six weeks early in an emergency room. We were not prepared.

Before entering the emergency room, I believed that I was the woman of lore who could work in the fields until the moment of birth, strap my newborn to my back and go on with my day. I learned that I was the woman who, in that earlier time, would have died.

While it was not the birth experience I had expected, it was the perfect birth for me. The lessons of my labor were profound. Where I had expected to feel empowered as an individual, I learned the power of surrender. Where I had planned to be in control, I learned that I was not. Where I had thought that books and discussions could prepare me for birth, I learned that very little about motherhood is neatly written about or passed on.

I had accepted the idea that the kind of birth I had said something about me as a person. I had accepted the idea that I could somehow “fail” at birth if all did not go according to my plan. I had accepted that there was a “right” kind of birth to have, and that if I did everything “right” then all would be well. I learned that birth was not about me and my plans. It was about becoming a mother and doing what was right for my son. No matter the circumstances, I was blessed.

I was blessed by the quick thinking nurses at Waldo County General Hospital and a superb doctor at the top of his field who knew exactly what was happening and exactly what to do. I was blessed by the loving presence of my own mother who stroked my hair and whispered encouragement in my ear as I was opened for our birth. I felt the presence of angels in the timeless peace that surrounds moments of crisis and I was held by the love of God as I lay on that operating room table. The tiny bleat of my baby boy was the sweetest music I have ever heard.

While my son recovered in the NICU, a well meaning social worker suggested that I would need to “mourn the birth [I] did not have.” The unintended implication was that a natural birth was a better way to give birth and that our birth had been something less, perhaps even a failure. A natural birth, although longed for and prepared for, was never promised. How could I mourn an experience that I had never had except in fantasy? Our birth had been surrounded by angels and filled with miracles. Lying within our birth were the very lessons that I needed to be a great mother.

I learned that I was capable in a crisis.
I learned that I could face even my darkest fears with courage and conviction.
I learned that there is tremendous strength in letting go.
I learned that sometimes the only thing a mother can do is to breathe deeply and pray.

When hearing mothers talk about natural birth now, I still love their stories. But for me, the shadow woman I glimpsed in the emergency room is never far away. She whispers, “Remember, death is natural, too. There but for the grace of God you passed.” It is a different reality than mothers who have had a natural birth experience, yet my gratitude is no less profound.

Becoming a mother is for each of us a unique and sacred rite of passage. It is a leap into mystery where the only thing we know for sure is that our experience will be surprising and transformational.

Becoming a mother brought me into a closer relationship with God which has transformed my life. Becoming a mother has redirected my life, my writing, my music and every aspect of my work in the world. Our birth was blessed. It taught me what all mothers learn eventually. Things will not always go as planned. Look for the miracles, appreciate the wonders, learn what you can from all that comes your way and move forward with love and an open heart.

Baby Talk

I had such a great time talking with Cathy Jacobs today! Cathy is the host of Baby Talk on WERU and she interviewed me about Transformational Mothering and The Divine Hours of Motherhood.

It was wonderful to talk to callers and to hear what they had to say on the topic. Motherhood is a slippery thing to talk about because it is both blissfull and exhausting.

It is easy to speak to the joy that we find in our mothering but how can we create a space where we can acknowledge the efforts that we put into mothering and the associated challenges?

How do we talk with new and expecting mothers about motherhood so that they are not scared, but so that they are prepared? How can music and prayer assist our transformational process?

All this and more are covered in the interview! Listen here. What did we forget that we should talk about next time?

When everything is beautiful

"It's not that unusual, when everything is beautiful.
It's just another ordinary miracle today."
- Sarah McLachlan

Here are the everyday ordinary miracles that I am surrounded by...

Black and yellow butterflies, the smell of grass after a rainstorm, swallows building a nest in our backyard, chocolate chip cookies warm straight out of the oven served with cold milk, freshly baked bread, baby hummingbirds making their rounds, grape vines reaching for the sky, laughter and good friends, dreaming on the back porch in a hammock built for two, fresh flowers straight from the garden, butter pecan ice cream, a freshly mowed lawn, a call from a friend just when I needed to hear her voice and a twitterverse of inspiration.

I feel so richly blessed. What ordinary miracles are coming your way today?

Cover Mom

Never thought I would be on the cover of a magazine but here we are! Raising Maine is a fantastic publication for Maine Mothers and their online community is well worth joining. I love to read their blogs and it is a great way to network with other mothers as well as get great mommy ideas. Check them out at www.raisingmaine.com!

Rising above it all

I can not tell you just what this plant is called. I can tell you that I have called it many things-most not very nice. My grandmother planted this ground cover and it must have been quite fashionable as I see it in most of the gardens in this area.

When I moved into my home and restored my grandmother's gardens I decided that I did not like this plant. I have spent 12 years digging it up and cursing it's persistence. This year my friend Susan has taught me a different way.

Susan is a magical preschool teacher. Her gardens are wise and wild and have a rhythm all their own. As I walked down the path to her preschool the other day, I noticed that they were full of my grandmother's groundcover! I asked her if she was worried that they would choke out the other plants and she replied that she had been, but that in the end the plants had grown around each other and found their own way.

This year I am looking at my plantings differently. Instead of pulling up the ground cover I am embracing it. I watch as it winds its way around the tulips and daffodils. I marvel as it moves around the lilies and how the other spring plants seem to rise above it.

And so it is that my grandmother's gardens (and my friend Susan) have taught me yet another set of lessons: to look for beauty in all things, to embrace all that comes my way, to trust that there is a rhythm to all things and to know that no matter what happens wonder and delight will rise above it all.

Photoshoot for Raising Maine Magazine

Monday was such a fun day! Clayton and I did a photoshoot for the cover of Raising Maine Magazine!

The photographer, Jill Brady, was really fantastic. So much fun to work with. Her work is beautiful and you can see it at www.jillbrady.smugmug.com

I found Raising Maine online (www.raisingmaine.com) and it is a fantastic resource for Moms in Maine. There are great blogs (Raye Tibbitts is one of my favorites) and great discussion forums.

We took pictures in the backyard and also at Young's Lobster Pound, our local place to get great lobster. If you live in Maine, definitely check out Raising Maine online and sign up for their monthly magazine. Look for us on the cover in June! The details are below.

Raising Maine is a free monthly publication produced for Maine moms by Maine moms. It is distributed at nearly 200 locations in Maine and is available through free mail subscriptions. For more information, contact 791-6700.

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